Morrissey somehow rendered even less masculine

Mark Ronson and Daniel Merriweather - "Stop Me"



After seeing this video on MTV Hits a couple nights ago, I've realized that Mark Ronson and Daniel Merriweather have retroactively ruined my teen years almost as much as listening to the Smiths did. Their blue-eyed-soul bastardization of the Smiths' "Stop Me If You Think You've Heard This One Before" patently offends in a myriad of ways.

First is Merriweather's dentist-office-approved croon, a G-rated attempt at soulful grit that makes James Blunt sound like Tom Araya. Turning Morrissey's tale of preening, drunken misery from a soundtrack to my preening, drunken teenage virginity (itself more than likely a result of listening to the Smiths) into a Starbucks-ready shitbrick, this embarassment should come with a grande Frappucino al cyanide.

Second is Merriweather. Goofy, black A/X leather jacket. Blown-up guido hair. And a James Joyce t-shirt?! I guarantee this guy hates books and thinks "Dubliners" is a totally sweet Flogging Molly cover band. He looks like he should be yelling "Faaaaaaaaaaag!" at a kid in a Smiths shirt, not braying a shit version of one of their best singles. Rule of thumb: no one with a goatee should be able to cover the Smiths. Or be on MTV. Or live.

Even more offensive is Ronson's re-working of one of the band's most engaging instrumentals. Gone are Johnny Marr's minor-key guitar chimes, or the rhythm section's lithe blend of propulsions and idlings; instead, we get whitewashed neo-soul horns and nth-era trip-hop beats that belong in the chill-out room of Phreakphest circa 1997.

Lastly, the video. A river of tears. In a video for a Smiths cover. Get. A. Fucking. Job.